by Dan Ryan
I have a penchant for derelicts be they whatever…
cabins, houses, sheds, barns, grain elevators,
all manner of machinery, all manner of structures
worn down…fallindown relics…
forlorn…forsaken…elegant in their abandonment…
the passage of time in the physical sense of evidence…
my involved past…
abandoned without any hope of recovery
the passage of time in the ephemeral sense…
suspect memories that mayormaynot
be reliable
mayormaynot have actually existed or occurred
errors and omissions…
tattered remnants…
everything intermingled, interwoven, everextending
interjumbled
a big-ass confusion of
seriously absent-minded mindfulness reminding me
I’ve traveled so far this life
from my boyhood
so far
from my boyhood this life
mourning the loss of home…
realizing I never had one…
lonely as America…
America, the tragic land…
gloomy sad suburban streets…
suburban ghosts of semi-country turned country suburbia…
naturally natural-like forests of trees became…
become…
un-naturally sad little houses…
loneliness…I felt
such imprisoned despair…
the sadness and delusion of civilization reminding me
We live with illusion daily …and disillusion
invasive military intervention… infinite ramifications
I knew it was the end of my life as I had known it…
with nothing in it but the idea of what one should do
I rose to the new complications… the complication of events…
everything collapsing…unbearable confusion…
continuities and incongruities
Gaps and scratches in a broken record…
Waking from void to dream…
responding to some conversation far inside my head…
dreaming in my eternity…huge mysteries…emptiness vibrating…
the problem is we think…
we think we exist
but…
we don’t … …
so what the fuck I say…
just float away to the beach of the moon…
join the moon bathers basking in the moon-dark…
lost in the forever night…
waiting for the 2nd coming of the ghosts of
yesterday
Then I remember I’m just in America…
mad America…sad crazy America…
broken down…
decadent…
withered…
disenchanted…
where boundaries begin to melt in a surreal culture of
violence and guns…
transformations sweeping this mad-crazy crazy-mad society
into a new American religion
the HOLY CHURCH of the SACRED 2nd AMENDMENT…
congregated by gundamentalist loonies…
paranoid-obsessive prophets
practicing their religious devotions as devoutly fanatical
as emotionally strung-out as
any fundamentally psycho-delusional fundamentalist …
the planet being over-fucking-loaded with
fucking fundamentalism…
reasoned rationality abandoned with no hope of recovery
I’ve spent over 6 hours working on this piece
so far
over 67 years living it…
now being mindstuck I’m going to take a break and
meditate
see what more I might salvage…scavenger up
from
my involved past
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Dan Ryan is a regular contributor to this blog.
